Saturday, July 24, 2010
When was the last time you recite the Quran???
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Lady drivers.. Please be careful..
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Alkisah Credit Card Advisor
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Rent a White Guy - Confessions of a fake businessman from Beijing
Below is the real story that happens in China today.. Company hiring fake "White Man" to gain trust among the people there.
By Mitch Moxley
NOT LONG AGO I was offered work as a quality-control expert with an American company in China I’d never heard of. No experience necessary—which was good, because I had none. I’d be paid $1,000 for a week, put up in a fancy hotel, and wined and dined in Dongying, an industrial city in Shandong province I’d also never heard of. The only requirements were a fair complexion and a suit.
“I call these things ‘White Guy in a Tie’ events,” a Canadian friend of a friend named Jake told me during the recruitment pitch he gave me in Beijing, where I live. “Basically, you put on a suit, shake some hands, and make some money. We’ll be in ‘quality control,’ but nobody’s gonna be doing any quality control. You in?”
I was.
And so I became a fake businessman in China, an often lucrative gig for underworked expatriates here. One friend, an American who works in film, was paid to represent a Canadian company and give a speech espousing a low-carbon future. Another was flown to Shanghai to act as a seasonal-gifts buyer. Recruiting fake businessmen is one way to create the image—particularly, the image of connection—that Chinese companies crave. My Chinese-language tutor, at first aghast about how much we were getting paid, put it this way: “Having foreigners in nice suits gives the company face.”
Hundreds of identical name cards were given to fake delegates; dozens of "Claytons" attended the event.
Six of us met at the Beijing airport, where Jake briefed us on the details. We were supposedly representing a California-based company that was building a facility in Dongying. Our responsibilities would include making daily trips to the construction site, attending a ribbon-cutting ceremony, and hobnobbing. During the ceremony, one of us would have to give a speech as the company’s director. That duty fell to my friend Ernie, who, in his late 30s, was the oldest of our group. His business cards had already been made.
Dongying was home to Sun Tzu, the author of The Art of War, and that’s just about all it has going for it. The landscape is dry and bleak, with factories in all directions. We were met at the airport by Ken, a young Canadian of Taiwanese extraction with a brush cut and leather jacket, whose company, we were told, had been subcontracted to manage the project.
The lobby at our hotel was dimly lit and smelled like bad seafood. “At least we have a nice view,” Ernie deadpanned as he opened the drapes in our room to reveal a scrap yard. A truck had been stripped for parts, and old tires were heaped into a pile. A dog yelped.
Ken drove us to the company’s temporary offices: small rooms with cement floors and metal walls arranged around a courtyard. We toured the facility, which built high-tech manufacturing equipment, then returned to the office and sat for hours. Across the courtyard, we could hear Ernie rehearsing his speech.
The next morning was the official ribbon-cutting ceremony. A stage and red carpet had been set up near the construction site. Pretty girls in red dragon-patterned dresses greeted visitors, and Chinese pop blared from loudspeakers. Down the street, police in yellow vests directed traffic. The mayor was there with other local dignitaries, and so were TV cameras and reporters. We stood in the front row wearing suits, safety vests, and hard hats. As we waited for the ceremony to begin, a foreman standing beside me barked at workers still visible on the construction site. They scurried behind the scaffolding.
“Are you the boss?” I asked him.
He looked at me quizzically. “You’re the boss.”
Actually, Ernie was the boss. After a brief introduction, “Director” Ernie delivered his speech before the hundred or so people in attendance. He boasted about the company’s long list of international clients and emphasized how happy we were to be working on such an important project. When the speech was over, confetti blasted over the stage, fireworks popped above the dusty field beside us, and Ernie posed for a photo with the mayor.
Can you tell a real delegate from a fake delegate? The bloke in the red helmet couldn’t. (The PPE is not properly worn at site??? So lame)
For the next few days, we sat in the office swatting flies and reading magazines, purportedly high-level employees of a U.S. company that, I later discovered, didn’t really exist. We were so important, in fact, that two of the guys were hired to stay for eight months (to be fair, they actually then received quality-control training).
“Lots happening,” Ken told me. “We need people for a week every month. It’ll be better next time, too. We’ll have new offices.” He paused before adding: “Bring a computer. You can watch movies all day.”
P/S: As someone who involves in the industry for almost a year, i am sickened to read this article..
Friday, May 28, 2010
Pelakon melayu...
- The hero looks too old to be a 20 years old biker (read: Rosyam Noor in KL Menjerit), the heroin looks too 'Erra Fazira' (Wait a minute. It is Erra Fazira celluloid invasion!) and the mother of the hero looks too underaged to be a mother.
- To resolve matters of the heart, the venue of choice is always at the beach. The girl, with a pair of fake Gucci sunglasses on her head, will occupy the space under one coconut tree, while the boy will take an adjacent one. They will refer to themselves as 'I' and 'You', and the scene will climax with the girl's face streaked with tears 'You beritahu I sekarang, you masih cintakan I ke tidak', and the boy will run his hand through his hair (An expression of Malay angst, described by the word, 'frust menonggeng'). Oh yeah, they will then spend 10 minutes bellowing some sappy-romantic tunes on the top of their lungs even when the passerby are ogling curiously.
- On the deathbed, the terminally-ill will tend to see the light, especially when surrounded by those who he or she has wronged. There will always be time to beg forgiveness from everyone (full grammatically-correct sentence, mind you) before the last breath is exhaled, usually reserved for the all-important mengucap (repentance), which is the definitive sign of insaf (konon-kononnya lah)
- At the hospital, a doctor will always be ambushed by anxious relatives,who will ask: 'Bagaimana keadaan dia sekarang, doktor?'.The doctor will look serious and tentative (most of the time, looks too dodgy to become a doc) maybe sigh a bit, before finally replying, 'Keadaan dia stabil.Tetapi dia perlu banyak berehat.' The doctor will also be carrying a clipboard.
- The hero ca n gasp in awe looking at Sepang F1 Circuit, KLIA and The Petronas Twin Towers as he had just realized how developed Malaysia is after studying abroad for 7 years. (read: Cinta Kolestrol). Ever heard of Internet, Yusry? Pathetic.
- Rendezvous/date is carried out at some dim-litted coffee house or fancy restaurant and the only drink you and your partner will order is orange juice. Other drinks like sirap limau or teh tarik are not classy enough. Somehow during the conversation, you will sip your drink bit by bit but never finish it all in gusto.
- The boss of a company sits at his desk, usually writing longhand notes. There is no laptop nor computer on his desk. There are many ring files at the cabinet behind him. To show how important he is in the company, when he leaves his office, he tells his secretary, 'Kalau orang telefon, cakap saya ada appointment dengan Tan Sri/Dato'/Tengku. Bimbo looking secretary would smile sheepishly while playing with her chemically damaged hair.
- Only baddies, like delinquents and drug peddlers go to nightclubs. The only good people in nightclubs are undercover policemen.
- Brain tumours are cancers of choice, because sufferers get dizzy and tend to faint melodramatically. Cervical and breast cancer are like, you know, private. As for lung, colon and testicular cancer, they're just not as aesthetic on those CAT scans as the ghostly cerebral ones.
- Hari Raya is the best time for character transformations. The sound ofthe Aidilfitri prayer call on Hari Raya morning is enough to send drug addicts, glue sniffers, drunkards, adulterers, street gang members and girls who wear too much make up into depths of remorse. Unbelievable, innit?
- There is always a Tan Sri/Dato' Sri/ Dato'/ Tengku...and their childrenis the stereotypical "anak Dato'" complete with accent and bitchy attitude.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Kerja oh Kerja~




